sadness

It doesn't seem fair or right that tomorrow morning we will leave for Winnipeg for the very same reason we travelled there 1 1/2 years ago: to attend the funeral of an aunt who lost her battle to cancer. The photo of Aunty Louise above is how I remember and know her, even though I know she didn't look like that by the end after cancer had overtaken her body.

I have so many good memories of her: everything from camping and boating in Shuswap in BC, to encountering black bears while camping in Ontario, to her green eyeshadow, to her bubbly laugh, to her vibrancy and passion. Last summer at my brother's wedding in Virginia, she was still her same old self, even though she'd just recently finished her chemo. We had a conversation about how her experience with cancer had made her realize what was most important in life, and that many things she'd worried about before were actually unimportant. "Cancer changes a person," I said. "Yes, it does," she said. What I loved most about her was her openess--she wore her whole emotional self right out in the open. It was a beautiful thing, to never wonder how she felt or where you stood with her.

I can still hear her laugh echoing in my head. It makes it hard to believe that she's gone. To have someone so young (only 59) die from such an awful disease really makes me question a lot of things. I've been thinking a lot about our bodies, and how they carry us through life. How could a part of the body that produced life (her children) turn around and betray her and end up killing her? I know these kinds of experiences should make us treasure what we have and who we love, and I definitely do. But at the same time, I am having to make a conscious effort to notice the beautiful things in the world, because sometimes the ugly, ugly things seem so much more powerful.

Here is Aunty Louise dancing at our wedding with my uncle and one of their granddaughters:


Here is a link to her obituary: http://www.passagesmb.com/obituary_details.cfm?ObitID=147996

Please think of us tomorrow as we head up to Winnipeg. There are winter storms going on right now, not to mention the flooding in North Dakota/Manitoba. We hope to have a safe trip. We already know that it's going to be a sad trip.