the life

Tired. So tired.

I'm taking a break from writing a paper for my Magical Realism class. A postcolonial reading of Toni Morrison's Beloved. I'm feeling stretched very thin these days. Some days I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams. At times like this I always remember the film "The Hours" when Meryl Streep's character says, "I seem to be unraveling." Me too.

This isn't supposed to happen until the end of the semester--this anxiety. It's been so long since I've written in here.... did you know I moved to Vermillion, SD, at the end of August? A lifesaver this semester. It's made most things easier, but also complicated other things. It's hard to go all week without seeing Josh, and then when the weekend comes I don't want to do anything but spend time with him. Usually weekends are spent on countless trips driving back and forth to Sioux Center for inane little tasks like meeting with the pastor for our wedding, meeting with the florist, meeting with the seamstress, going to wedding showers, etc. Most of these things feel like a hassle (but we're getting a lot of great presents!).

Also, disgruntled feelings floating around the English Department lately.... it's hard not to feel the same way. Frankly, I'm really getting exhausted by the constant pull between being a teacher and a student. All the authorities say that we are the latter, but then we're treated like the former. It's hard not to feel patronized at times. I'm teaching 4 days a week this semester and pouring way too much of my time into it.... to the detriment of my own work.

I think I'm going to shelve my paper for the night and tackle the novel that I have to read for class tomorrow: Indian Killer by Sherman Alexie. It looks pretty good. Maybe I'll still be saying that in the morning.

Condolences go out to Melanie and Nathan in the death of their father-in-law/father. Sometimes the fragility and brevity of life just hits you in the stomach with the force of a bowling ball.

This guy makes me smile a lot: