quack quack seat back. NEIN!

Back to class. Back on track. Back. On the Road.

It's good to be back in class (although I don't relish all the driving). My brain is full of Levi-Strauss right now--part of the reading I had to do for my Literary Criticism class. Finally, a lit. theory class that looks like it will actually be useful and good! And full-steam ahead with German! Is it funny to be in German class? Ja! All I can think about is the German cop who yanked us off the tram in Berlin last summer, shook his finger at us, fined us 40 friggin' Euros, and repeatedly shouted at us, "You have committed CRIME-inal offense! CRIME-inal!"

Motivation lacking: teaching. Just don't feel like it.

This time of year is always more challenging. I don't know if it's the winter blahs, or starting a new year, or the ugly brown grass outside. Lately I've been nostalgic for living in Chicago again--where every day holds at least one crazy event. I was looking through some of my stuff this week, and I found the "Pick-up Lines Log" that I started keeping when I first moved to Chicago. I lived right on the edge of a rather dodgy neighbourhood, and I frequently ran into really special characters. I got approached by so many guys that I first started keeping a log because I thought the things they said were so funny. Eventually, the novelty of that wore off, and it started to get annoying--a hassle, and not that interesting anymore. Anyway, while I was keeping a list of these lines, I managed to acquire some real gems. Here are a few, for your reading pleasure. Note: whenever men would ask me if I had a boyfriend, I always said yes, even if I didn't at the time.

* * * * *

Random Man: Do you have a boyfriend?
Sarah: Yes.
RM: Would you consider cheating on him?
S: No.
RM: I know I'm totally NOT on your level, but if you were my girlfriend, I'd treat you like a queen. I'd throw a net in the air, catch the moon, and pull it down to earth for you. So, will you cheat on your boyfriend for me?
S: No.

* * * * *

[I am in Borders in downtown Chicago, and I've just left the bathroom.]

Random Man: Excuse me. I've been watching you for the last hour as you studied. And now I've waited for you outside the bathroom until you came out.
Sarah: [eyes bug out, a little concerned]
RM: You have your nose pierced. Just like in my culture. I would like to get to know you better. Let's go to a movie right now.
S: Um, no.
RM: Where do you go to school?
S: UIC.
RM: NO WAY!!! I GO THERE TOO!!!
S: Well, how shocking. There are only 25,000 students at UIC, after all.
RM: I would REALLY like to get to know you better.

[I cannot disentangle myself from him until I have taken his phone number, which he shoves into my hand.]

[Unfortunately, 3 months later I meet him on UIC's campus, and he is NOT pleased with me for not having called him.]

* * * * *

Random Black Man: You are beautiful.
Sarah: [Silence]
RBM: Do you have a boyfriend?
S: Yes.
RBM: You're lying. You don't have a boyfriend.
S: [how did he know???] No, I'm not lying.
RBM: I love you.
S: [Silence]
RBM: Can I see you again?
S: No.
RBM: It's not a possibility? Not at all?
S: No.
RBM: You're racist.
S: That's a very charming thing to say.

* * * * *

Random Man: Hi baby! I'm Clarence! I'm 44! I don't like to drink! I don't like to party! I don't like to smoke marijuana because it makes me dizzy and I have to go lie down on the couch! I only do crack cocaine! Sorry that I keep calling you baby! Stay right here! I'll be back in two hours and I'm going to go take you to party! I'm Clarence! I'm 44! Bye baby!
Sarah: Bye.

* * * * *

Random Man (following me off the train): Hey baby, do you need some company? Can I come home with you?
Sarah: No.

* * * * *

Random Man: You are SO beautiful. You are magnificent.
Sarah: [Silence]
RM: If you were my girlfriend, I would worship you. You have an aura around you that is so bright, it shines hotter than the sun on a July morning.
S: ["aura" gets hotter after hearing that horrible metaphor]
RM: I'm no drug dealer or homeless person or drunk. But I do love beautiful women. Do you have a boyfriend?
S: Yes.
RM: I'm sure he doesn't deserve you. Can I hold the key to your heart?
S: [WTF?] No.


Well, there are more, but those will do for now. Such sweet men. Very precious encounters. I just don't get that kind of absurdity here in Northwest Iowa. I don't miss getting hit on, but I do miss the excitement of diverse people and random oddities.

Sometimes it's just boring here.