Shambles

I think that describes my life right now. The last couple of weeks have flown past and I feel like I've staggered through them in a near-zombie state. I have vague recollections of: pulling several all-nighters to grade papers, frantic preparations for class presentations, crazy snow storms and subsequent overnight stays in Vermillion because the roads are too bad to travel on, being sick (sinus infection?), being tired and hurting the feelings of one of my classmate's (the Public Radio Lady--everyone else thanked me afterwards for doing it, yet I'm the one stuck with the guilt)...

And now, the end is in sight, but it's oh-so-far away yet. I have a 20 page paper due on Monday (gulp), another presentation, a poetry portfolio to complete, LOTS of grading. I can hardly wait to be done with all of this.

Everything else in my life seems to be suffering while I push to the end of the semester. The biggest thing is my house. It is disgusting. Let me repeat that: my house is D I S G U S T I N G . No, I'm not exaggerating. For example:
1. Crusty dishes--I haven't done dishes in 1 1/2 weeks. I have no clean dishes left in my cupboards. They're all in crusty piles all over the counters and sink and stove.
2. Post-it notes--my study is by far suffering the most. The wall is littered with at least 30 post-it notes, reminding me of things to do and books to get and articles to look up.
3. Spiders--yes, they're in almost every corner of my house, on the floor and the ceiling. And I just watch them. There is one spider living in the corner in my study here that has been there since September! I have watched him grow from an itty-bitty thing to a full-sized daddy-long-legs. And all the spiders aren't still alive because I love spiders. They're alive because I. Don't. Clean. My. House. Anymore.
4. Maggot flies--a while ago I began having an infestation of flies in my house. At first I thought they were fruit flies. But they were too big for that. So while I'd sit at my desk working or in my chair in the living room, I'd kill a fly about every 5 minutes. And I'd just leave them in piles where ever I killed them. THen I found out that all the flies were coming from the rotten potatoes in my cupboard that now had maggots thriving in them. SIIIIIICK.... So now, there are piles of dead flies everywhere that I just haven't had the time to clean up yet.
5. Dirt--as if the flies weren't bad enough, the other day in my haste to get ready to leave for class, I knocked over all the cactus plants that were sitting on my desk. They fell onto the floor and all the dirt came out. I just left them. So now there are piles of dirt on the floor that I walk around.

I know I need to clean the whole house. My bathroom is disgusting too. But there are so many other things to do with more important deadlines. So I just continue to live in a pig-sty. When the semester is finished, I tell myself.

Otherwise, things are going well. I've been very pleased with the semester. I'm both excited and terrified with what I've learned this semester regarding the world of poetry. It really IS a world, and i'm slowly making my way into it. As with all things, it's exhilarating, yet at the same time horribly scary because the further in I get, the more I realize I don't know. I have so much to learn! Is it even possbible??

I get pangs of restlessness at times too. Like the other day, I was staring out the window, and then I started googling "Romania + women + writing," and thinking "what can I do with this?"

Right now, my focus is the 20 page paper. Must finish it, must finish it. It's on the aesthetics of pain in Toni Morrison's "The Bluest Eye."

Before I sign off and get back to work, I added a link of my poetry prof here at USD. I think she has no idea how much I adore her.